The question most boys don't want to hear and most girls are afraid to ask. But why? Isn't it better to know than be left in the lurch or is it because we ask too soon? We have become content with 'situationships' rather than trying to build lasting relationships. Many of us live for the moment rather than thinking about the future and one of this generations biggest fears seems to be catching feelings. I find this rather ironic considering all the relationship goal pics I see posted daily, something just isn't adding up! We are content with the situation till we hear the dreaded 'so what are we?' But what does it really mean?
A woman only reacts to what you show her. We do not and I repeat we do not go plucking things out of thin air to interrogate you for the fun of it. Preeing is a highly complex skill that takes up a lot of time, if we didn't have to do it we wouldn't, trust me. When we look into things it's because you have given us a reason to, whether it be something you've said or your attitude changing, it's all on you. The same goes for a girl assuming the two of you are in a relationship. This isn't the playground anymore, a serious relationship isn't your 'boyfriend' walking past you at the bus stop and your friends getting excited because he hugged you. If you make her feel some type of way, treat her good and expect those boyfriend privileges without a title then she is bound to assume you see a future with her and eventually fall for you.
Before I begin I'd like to address the crazy females out there. Just because he takes you on a date once, you have sex on the first date or you have only been having sex and nothing more for a number of months doesn't mean the girlfriend or even babes** title is yours. A few months ago I started talking to some guy, for less than a week might I add. He was really sweet but the annoying kind of sweet, like the guy that tells shit jokes and talks too much but he has good intentions. I needed a favour and we went to eat afterwards. He paid and the conversation was a little boring, but everything was good till that point. When he got home he called me and asked 'so how does it feel to be mine?' I was confused so naturally I responded 'your what?'. During the day he asked if I could see him being my man. The actual answer was no but it was THE FIRST DATE and he was a little over emotional so I said 'probably' thinking he wouldn't take it literally. He didn't even know my surname and he wanted to tie me down, I really do meet some weird guys, however we stopped talking 7 days after this. Now, imagine a guy did this to you. You'd say he was too clingy, too needy or a creep etc. Well that's exactly what you look like to him. I believe this can be excused if you've been talking for months on end and been to busy too see each other. But, if you catch feelings in such short periods of time then I suggest you see a therapist because that isn't healthy, alternatively ask him what it is he wants BEFORE anything goes down. If he says he doesn't know and you know you're prone to falling in love overnight then keep those legs shut and cancel date night hunny. It's 2014 ladies not the 18th century, courting doesn't necessarily equates to marriage any more so you cannot claim him.
Here are my top 4 reasons as to why a girl will ask the dreaded 'what are we?' question
1.She been your babes** for 'too long' and wants to make it official
| Chrissy Lampkin wasn't happy with her relationship status after 10 years so she proposed to Jim Jones before he bought her a ring, but will they ever get married? |
**babes - unofficially official girlfriend/boyfriend or fancy name for a regular fuck buddy who you eventually start dating.
2.There is someone else
| You're not the only one trying to be her only one... |
What most men don't realise is that the question doesn't always mean she wants a relationship, sometimes she simply wants an answer. She knows you're not officially together, so it's likely that someone else has tried talking to her. He usually has something new or better to offer so she is interested, but out of respect she asks where things are going with you. To some females you saying 'I don't know' or 'we're not together' is basically you giving her the right to talk to another guy because your pride is in the way of saying no. This may be for various reasons but most often it's because you don't want her to think you like her as much as you do. Therefore, you can't get angry as she followed the answer YOU gave her. Some of you may be wondering why a girl who is seeing someone is talking to more than one guy, but if nothing is set in stone then she's a free woman. Additionally, the key word is 'talking' not seeing or fucking. At no point in time when dating, man or woman, should you be having sex with multiple people unless you've BOTH agreed on it. Most girls have their main babes, you, secondary babes who she calls when you want to act up but she NEVER has sex with this guy till you're completely out of the picture and the reserves who she doesn't really care about but calls when there is no-one else around. So if she wants to have sex with the new guy, she'll have to let go of you. It's not only men that have 'hoes' to drop when things get serious!
3. She's already told her friends you're her man
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| Girl time gone wrong |
This is probably the funniest and silliest reason of them all. Things are going so well that she gets carried away when telling her friends about you and from the sounds of things they assume that it's official so she goes along with it. This is a very easy thing to do by accident believe it or not. Constantly saying 'my link...my babes' or having to remind people that you are still JUST dating after 7 months can get tedious. Also consider the fact that you do things a normal couple would do, not just sex but you're going out often, you've met each others friends, you speak almost everyday you're basically in a relationship, can you really blame her? Especially in today's image concious society where you always have to prove things with a title or label, she probably just wants that insta pic to get 300 likes and have people to say how cute you look together. But lad's lets not be childish, if you've been seeing each other for quite a while and someone she knows asks if she's actually your girlfriend then there is no need to shame her especially if it's more than sex. If you don't like her talking like that then address her directly, there is nothing worse than a stream of I directs that you claim aren't for her. Be mature about it.
4. She is done
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| No love lost! She's finally realised that she'd be better of alone |
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The ambiguity of relationship statuses can cause more stress and anxiety than you could ever imagine, I for one have had days where I have almost turned myself crazy looking so deep into things he had said for no reason when I should have just left and been happy alone. You can't blame someone for catching feelings if your actions have signalled it's ok to do so. As with everything in life communication is key this includes questions so if you words don't match your actions then expect the 'what are we' question at some point. Feelings and intentions do change but be clear from the start, if you don't feel something is right or want things to move forward then say it! No girl will wait forever, let her know exactly what you want so she can let you go if you aren't ready for titles.
If you agree/disagree or think there are more reasons for why a girl will need to ask the 'what are we question' then email me: staceyleebanks@icloud.com or follow me on twitter StaceyLeebanks
