This post is kind of long so braise yourselves...
Many women have that one guy who they will always remember. She learnt many valuable lessons whilst with him, the most important one being to love herself. Before trying to fix her own problems she would help him to show how committed she was even if he was running from that same commitment so why chase him? Why chase an idea that won't become reality without his co-operation?
I believe there are two major reasons why women get hurt or ruin relationships:
1) They believe they can change a man.
2) They fall in love with his potential despite him not showing any signs of being that person just yet.
Men are not as stupid as we like to think. Indecisive? Yes, but not stupid. This also means they know exactly what they want. "So if he knows I'm waiting for him to change why doesn't he?" I hear you ask. Because he isn't ready maybe!? It's that simple and you nagging won't make it happen any quicker. You can communicate how you feel and what you want in every language, but just because you want it doesn't mean he wants it at the same time or at all in some cases. When a man is ready to move forward with you he will make it very very clear, believe me. Some women will enter relationships to deal with their insecurities and loneliness. Once she has him and realises the insecurity is still there, she will think he is to blame because he hasn't fixed all her problems like she had hoped. But a man will not change unless he wants to, so instead of leaving she stays and puts up with everything she doesn't like because she hopes it will work out in the end.
There are many cases where men will see how emotionally weak you are and take advantage. This may be because he has been hurt in the past, has little control over certain aspects of his life so he tries to control you or simply because you allow it. He will bully you emotionally and it makes them feel good so it continues. In such cases it's so easy for them to convince you that you need them, but in actual fact they need you. Without you he is just a man, not bully you allow him to be.
Falling in love with his potential is basically you falling in love with a dream that is not likely to come true. You keep trying to force traits out of him that he doesn't even know he posses yet or you hope one day that they will miraculously appear and stay for good. If you find yourself saying things like 'He would be perfect if...' and you have been together a while then my dear run and never look back. When things don't go your way, you use every excuse under the sun to justify his actions rather than move on or accept that he isn't going to be the guy you've been dreaming of.
If we eliminate looks for a second, absolutely anyone has the potential to be your ideal partner. Anyone can impress you given the chance, make you laugh, motivate you etc. So that plan you've conjured up to get 'Terelle' on the straight and narrow so you mum never finds out about his thuggish ways needs to leave your mind. You are not his mother, it is not your job to raise him. Although you should want to make him a better man there is only so much BS you can accept in a relationship.
Women also won't leave out of fear. Not because she is scared of him, but she is scared of giving up on him too early in case he treats the next girl better. The tired excuse of not wanting to start over with someone new because it's long is what many friends of mine have said and honestly it's bullshit. What sense does it make to be miserable or entertain anyone's stupid behaviour because finding someone who will treat you better is tedious?? If that's the case, then being single it is!
Although the infamous 'relationship goals' hashtag has contributed to our unrealistic relationship expectations, we need to understand that many of our expectations have been with us from a young age. Many people grow up in broken and dysfunctional homes. Their parents may dislike each other or they have been raised in a single parent home where the lone parent is not actually single by choice, and finding a partner suitable for both them and their child is difficult. Such situations contribute tremendously to what a person wants out of life, especially relationships. People who grow up under such circumstances often vow to never turn out like their parents and in doing so, they over compensate and do all the things they think their parents didn't do to make their relationships work. You risk losing the person you want even more as you may scare them away and they don't know how to say it, so you chase them thinking they're playing hard to get.
In the words of Maya Angelo, 'when someone shows you their true colours, believe them.' Not the forth or even fifth time, the first. Don't make excuses and try to justify their actions, take it for exactly what it is. Because it will happen again and again, and the only reason is because you allowed it the first time. When people cheat and get caught they say they won't do it again, but this can be translated as "I'll be smarter next time so I won't get caught again." I've cheated before and to be fair I didn't feel no type of way. Maybe because he cheated first or because he never found out I'll never know. All I cared about was not getting caught.
I think I've said this in almost every relationship post but not giving every single part of you in a relationship is important. This doesn't mean being selfish, it's about being healthily selfish. Protecting yourself from the things that may hurt you in the end. In LHHNY Diamond is always screaming about leaving everything - including her 6 year old daughter for Cisco. Even Johnni Blaze and Amina Buddafly saying that they gave everything in their relationships and what happened? They got hurt and are finding it hard to get over it. Ensuring your happiness and sanity should be your priority, then you can concern yourself with bending over backwards to please someone else. Never did I think I would be quoting anyone from LHH but Rich Dollaz spoke to hundreds if not thousands of women when he addressed said 'No-one should ever have enough power to turn you crazy or act out of character in a negative way.' Especially not a man who has made it very clear that he isn't where you are at. So once again, why chase him?
The only reason I feel I can talk about a lot of the things in my blog is because I have experienced them myself. I really hope he doesn't read this but if he does then Hey Boo lol. Anyway, things started off really well. I didn't think it would last but he said and did things that allowed me to get comfortable as I usually cut guys off when feelings develop. Eventually I completely let my guard down, feelings developed and he became my everything including one of the only things that helped my depression. He made me want to better myself and help him progress too. But it was all in vain, I found out he cheated, but I stayed around hoping it would be a one off Of course, he apologised and things got better then suddenly they got a lot worse and still I wouldn't leave because I believed I couldn't. I thought I needed him because he was my pick me up. I would say I had to let go but I'd run back. Eventually I told him I didn't want to leave him but I had to and that was the end of us. I don't think he realised how much he hurt me and how much he meant to me, which is my fault for not being open. I won't lie and say I don't miss him but we are in a good place now and I don't want to ruin that. I've had to accept that unless he matures, he is no good for me. And although things could very easily go back to how they were, I do not want them to because I know what it will do to me.
Now to Karruche. Call me mean or whatever but I'm finding it hard to sympathise with Karrueche despite what happened to me. From watching the therapy session, it is apparent that she knew he was talking to other women and he clearly stated he didn't want marriage or kids but she assumed she could change him, so he didn't lie to her. She couldn't handle what she had got herself into and now she was in too deep. I was disgusted when Chris Brown very proudly asked the Breakfast Club hosts who Rhianna and Karruche would go to after him. The arrogance of his statement annoyed me and the fact that DJ Envy and Charlemagne agreed annoyed me even further. After their most recent break up he commented on a Instagram pic telling her 'to act like a lady' because she is perfect and not a thot. These are all signs of mental abuse. Maybe I'm reading into things too deep but we have learnt that abuse comes in many forms. Telling someone they can do no better than you is basically you saying no-one will have you because of who you are or no-one else will do what I can for you so you need me. When a woman is naive and in love these words can become the gospel truth. They become dependant on the guy and as Karrueche has demonstrated, they find it hard to let go. We all know Chris grew up in an abusive household and after watching the session today it's clear he still has some big issues to deal with reflecting the point I made earlier. He is a product of his environment, Karrueche sees this and has tried to change him but where it has failed, she has allowed him to exercise his control over her and even humiliate her publicly.
No-one wants to chase anyone or feel like their efforts are wasted, so why tire yourself chasing someone who clearly doesn't appreciate you? Unless you are building it single handidly, sometimes you need to let go of how you had imaged your relationship to be and consider the other person. There may not be clear warning signs when you first meet your partner, but if someone makes you feel like a burden or doesn't respect you, then maybe it's time to stop running after them and walk away.
