There is a woman, as the well known saying goes. But why just a woman? I mean she could be his mum, cousin, great aunt...absolutely anyone. So why not let her be an independent, hard working, equally successful woman, who still finds the time to support you? When speaking to a male friend of mine recently, relationships and finances quickly became the main focus of the conversation. His argument was that 'the vast majority of women don't want to struggle with their man and would rather meet a made man, as opposed to a guy who has the drive but just doesn't know what he wants to do in life.' As a woman, in picking the latter you take on the role of the struggle girlfriend and when the time is right the supportive wife. Although being the struggle girlfriend makes for a great weeding speech, many of us don't want to be her and here are a few reasons why.
Firstly, let's define what a made man means in this post. A made man is someone who is actively working towards his life goals. You can evidently see the progress he has made and he is happy not only with what he has achieved, but in himself. He is in a stable position but looking to do more, and with your support he can do better. He isn't a CEO who has paid off his mortgage with 3 cars in his drive way by the age of 25, but he is living comfortably.
I began explaining myself using something I like to call The McDonalds Analogy. You are hungry and don't know what you want to eat, eventually you make a decision so you place your order (this is you working towards and achieving your career aims). Once you have been served, you then pick your sauces to complete the meal and add a little extra flavour (this is your choice of partner and what they will contribute to your life). Now, we all know no meal from McDonalds is ever complete without sauces and although you may have a preferred sauce you never ask for it till your order has been placed, right? This translates as the right time to get into a relationship is usually once you have found stability, independently. The sauce is there to support the foundation you have already built for yourself and tell you what you may need to tweak, not necessarily help you build it from the ground up. But on the flip side, have you ever walked out, rummaged in the brown bag and realised you forgot to ask for sauce? It can be pretty devastating. So, I guess it could also be argued that some of us do need that person there from the start, because we know what benefit they will be to us in the end. But will you both know how to be independent and find a balance within the relationship? Anyway enough food comparisons this is starting to sound like a post on first dates and splitting the bill.
Immediately snapped at me, almost trying to make me feel guilty for wanting someone who was ahead in life. He said that it proved his point and all women
not only want a made man, but they want to eat all that is his too. I was pretty pissed off that he was arrogant enough to think that the same theory didn't apply to women but it most definitely does. Women are getting married and having children even later because they are choosing to work before settling down. Choosing to do things this way allows you to be financially independent, respect his time a lot more (many people aren't prepared for the amount of time their partner won't be able to spend with them the more successful they become), appreciate his work and most importantly him.
If you are anything like me, you have so many ideas and get so excited that it is often hard to stick to one. You move on to the next without completing the last, then everything ends up on hold because you don't know what to finish first. It's such a terrible habit, but because of this I prefer to be with someone who had a plan, stuck to it and he is now seeing some kind of return from it. Lord knows the amount of mistakes I have made and the lessons I have learnt from rarely asking for help, so I want someone who motivates me without him constantly having to reassure me or me letting him know how amazing he is all the time. Of course it's great to have someone who supports everything you do but, any influence your partner really has will show through you and your hard work without you even realising.
It is only natural for a woman to want a man who is a leader as she can learn from him.
But as a leader, he will always understand that being a student never ends and in turn, learn from you. This is not to say that you cannot admire or learn from someone you watched go from something to nothing, The only differences are stability and timing. Knowing your man is in a stable position before things get serious makes you want to do more for the both of you which is a plus for everyone. I think it makes little sense to be with someone who is suffering with the same struggle as you. Evidently you both don't have your priorities straight and need to focus on what is most important at that specific time, yourselves as individuals.
In Hollywood especially, it has become increasingly common for men to drop the struggle girlfriend or even wife for a hotter, newer model. Living in a generation afraid to catch feelings and get hurt, are you really surprised that people don't want to give their all to someone who has nothing, for them to throw it in their face when they become something? I also think getting with a man who has already reached some of his financial or life goals allows you to see the person he really is, as even the smallest bit of money can change a person. Too often we see the boy who used to work weekends at Waitrose change as soon as he gets involved in petty fraud or starts 'shotting', even towards those closest to him because they aren't 'up'.
 |
| Torrei and Kevin Hart met at university,. She was around when he first started comedy. They divorced in 2011 and she claimed he started cheating on her when he became more successful . |
Because these women are forever in the media, so many people have developed this 'if you're not putting anything in his pocket then what use are you?' mentality. Your reasons for getting into a relationship should never be money motivated. I strongly believe that doing business with your partner is a no-no, just support and advice them. Maybe it's just me, but the idea of bringing work home can just complicate things and can add unnecessary friction that could all be avoided - all completely off topics, sorry guys! A good partner should help make you a better person, be a friend, an escape from the pressures and demands of work, amongst other things. This isn't to be confused with turning a baby boy into a man, she is not your mother.
So, is it better to be the struggle girlfriend or catch him when he's on the cusp of success? Honestly, there is no right or wrong answer. You can't control when or who you fall in love with, but it is most definitely ok to have a plan and a preference.The same way some men don't like women who wear make up, some of us prefer men who've got their life together a little. In the words of Gucci Mane, 'You can't be born with the sauce...but you can get lost in the sauce' allowing yourself to be consumed by someone when you are still working on yourself can make you slack on what is most important. I can only hope that the ladies who agree with this post are actively working towards a similar level of stability and want a man who will reflect their hard work and not just depend on him. Understating your true purpose or at least knowing exactly what you want to achieve, you will give you a clear understanding of what you need from your partner. Rather of dreaming up unrealistic characteristics that sound good in theory but rarely in practice.
